No one enjoys feeling like they’re being taken for granted, and when it happens in a romantic relationship, underappreciation can lead to insecurity, anger, and resentment. Because EliteSingles caters to successful, well-educated, and otherwise driven people, we understand how easy it is for people to put their significant other “on hold” while they deal with other urgent matters. But that doesn’t make it a good idea or positive for the long-term health of your relationship.
If you don’t want to blow the great thing you have, you need to learn to show appreciation for your partner. Our list of ten ways to show appreciation is a game changer, and you may actually have fun trying some of these out. Read on to improve your relationship IQ.
Why Appreciation Matters
Have you ever stayed late at work and your boss didn’t notice? They just assumed that somehow the insurmountable task that they gave you on top of all of your other work just got done without inconveniencing you. Hopefully, this doesn’t happen to you too often, but we’ve all felt something like this at one time or another. In a romantic relationship, it’s easy to form habits that eventually become expectations.
For example, your girlfriend makes a home-cooked meal for you on a Monday night, flips on the TV, and tells you to enjoy your meal and the game. You rave over the experience, so she decides to make it a weekly thing. Only the next week, your praise is a little less enthusiastic and she can tell. Eventually, you’re just saying “thanks” when she spends ninety minutes after work every Monday to give you a special night. Same work with diminishing returns. Finally, she decides not to make the dinner, which alerts you that something is wrong. You ask her to talk about it, and maybe you resolve it. Only, you could have avoided this slowly-boiling resentment with a little effort on your part.
10 Practical Ways to Show Appreciation
You’ve probably heard of the book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman, which describes five ways to show someone you love them. We decided to give you ten because we want you to be an overachiever.
1. Verbal Affirmations
Most of us need to hear words that make us know that the other person appreciates us. It can be a simple “I love you” in a relationship or even a “That was wonderful” after a first date that went well. The key is to make your verbal affirmations natural and appropriate to the situation. For instance, if he makes you a martini, you might say, “That was really thoughtful. I could use this after the day I’ve had.” On the other hand, you probably wouldn’t say, “This is life-changing. I want you to know how much I love you for this.”
2. Acts of Service
Your time is valuable, and your partner knows that which is why acts of service are such powerful messages. If you call on the way over and say, “Hey, we’ve both had long days, how about I get Chinese carryout, and we watch a movie on TV,” it sends a message: you’re exhausted from your day, but you’re willing to sacrifice your time to make their night a little less stressful.
3. Quality Time
Most successful people have to compartmentalize their time to prevent dropping the ball in one aspect of their lives or another. That means making the most out of the time you have with your partner. Here are a few tips to maximize your quality time:
- Plan an outing
- Put your cellphone away (to whatever extent that’s possible)
- Engage in conversation (i.e, movies, concerts, and other non-talking dates are fine, but you should converse for at least part of the outing.
- Go on a romantic trip somewhere
The message of appreciation that you’re sending is that they rate highly enough for you to sacrifice your most precious commodity: time.
4. Gifts
Who doesn’t like receiving a present for a job well done? But relationships don’t really work like that. Presents aren’t awards for completing a certain task. They’re a way to show someone that you’re thinking about them when they’re not around. In other words, you appreciate how great of a partner they are. Presents do not have to cost a lot, but they should always be thoughtful.
If you have trouble buying gifts, which many of us do, think about something you want. “Hey, I was buying myself a new coat, and I saw this. I thought you might like it.” “I brought you a bottle of the wine you liked at dinner the other night.” Remember, you don’t need a special occasion to buy a present.
5. Physical Touch
Most healthy people enjoy the touch of an intimate partner, but where many of us get it wrong is that we only touch when there’s a chance that it will lead to sex. You can show your partner you appreciate them by reaching over and giving them a hug or kissing them in public when you’re out.
It’s important that you have established some level of comfort with casual touching. If your partner isn’t ready for public displays of affection, for example, you could get an undesirable response if you try to kiss them while you’re waiting for a table at a nice restaurant.
6. Listening
Active listening is not only essential to ensure effective communication, but it’s also a way to show your partner that you value their words and time. Here are some keys to active listening.
- Get Rid of the Distractions – Turn the TV off, put down your phone, and ignore your smartwatch.
- Repeat What They Say – Don’t match their words exactly like some kind of annoying parrot, but let them know you’re acknowledging their words. For example, if your partner says, “You’re prioritizing everything over me. I feel like I barely see you,” you could respond with, “You’re saying that you don’t feel like I make time together enough of a priority.” It’s similar but different.
- Ask Questions – If you don’t understand what your partner is saying, ask for clarification. Make assumptions at your own peril. Start your questions with gentle phrases like, “Do you mean . . . ” or “Can you please clarify . . . ”
- Test Your Knowledge – After you talk with your partner, think about the conversation. It will ensure that you remember their important points.
7. Small Gestures
We always hear how “it’s the little things,” but in a relationship, it’s true. If you really want to show your partner you appreciate them, create small gestures that show it. Here are a few ideas:
- “I walked the dog for you while you were in the shower.”
- “This [meme/song/reel] popped up on my timeline, and I thought you’d like it.”
- “I moved my meeting so I can go to lunch with you.”
- “You said you had a rough day, so I mixed you a cocktail. Enjoy.”
Small gestures are an easy way to show your appreciation on a daily basis.
8. Support
Your partner has plans, goals, failures, and successes. You can show them you’re a supportive partner by being there on the good days and the bad ones. In many cases, support just comes in the form of talking, but you can incorporate other gestures to support your significant other. “Let’s go to dinner” can work to celebrate a victory or to soften the pain of a defeat.
9. Respect
Respect shows your romantic partner that you take them seriously and that you’re impressed by the person they are. If you’re not sure how to demonstrate respect, here are a few pointers:
- Find out their likes and dislikes. Incorporate their likes into your lives.
- Learn their boundaries, and do not cross them.
- Read the room. Some days your partner might be up for a little gentle teasing, but it’s not going to work every time. Learn when humor is appropriate and when it isn’t.
- Just tell them you respect them. Every once in a while, it’s fine to just voice what you’re thinking. “You know, I really respect the way you handled that situation.”
10. Public Recognition
Public recognition can be tricky, and it largely depends on the temperament of your partner. Some people prefer to keep their romantic life a private matter. However, if you think your partner would be comfortable with it, give them some praise. “Steve got up early and made pancakes and omelets for me the other morning. I’m so lucky to have him in my life.”
And, of course, we’ve all seen public figures acknowledge their spouses or significant others after an achievement. You don’t have to win the Tour de France to have a moment worthy of praising your partner. “I wouldn’t have been able to go for this promotion if it wasn’t for Jennifer helping me stay on top of my life.”
EliteSingles wants our members to match and go on to have flourishing relationships. If you are a single professional, successful business person, an academic, or just feel like you would get along well in the EliteSingles environment, sign up today!
